It's sad to say, but I've treated this blog like I have God for most of my life... I pick it/Him up when I need to (rough patch, need to get something off my chest, etc.) and when things are going great, it/He falls to the wayside. Things have been really busy, but its not an excuse.

In my very first post, I mentioned "chains" and while I really do feel like the "chains" have been loosened, they are still there in some capacity and only forgiveness will break them off. So, how does one go about the whole forgiveness process? Is it a plain and simple request made to God? I'm really not sure, but I'm in search of the answer. How have you forgiven in the past? Is it a forgive and forget thing or will you always remember the hurt and pain?

I'm going next weekend to worship with a friend and her church at a ladies conference and I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am about this. I really feel like God is going to move in a great way and that more of the chains will be loosened and fall off.

Right now, I'm more in love with my husband and family than I have ever been. Its a wonderful place to be in...

The reason for the season......

Every year around Easter, we start to think about what we will dress the kids in this year or what color dress we will buy. The little candy eggs, chocolate bunnies and that annoying grass that gets EVERYWHERE takes center stage and we somehow forget the whole reason we even celebrate.

I heard someone today say that the cross that Jesus carried down the Via Dolorosa weighed almost 200 lbs.. That 200 lbs. equaled the weight of sin for entire world. He gave His life so that we could live in freedom and still there are so many of us that live and walk in condemnation every day. He wants us to be free!

I'm posting this for my friend, she knows who she is :-)




The song simply states the Gospel.

Living he Loved Me
Dying he saved me
Buried He carried my
My sins far away
Rising he justified me
Freed me forever
One day he's coming back Glorious day


One day when heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
That's when Jesus came down to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He.


Then one day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
Then one day they nailed Him to die on the tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my redeemer is He


One Sunday the grave could conceal Him no longer
That day when the stone rolled away from the door
That's when Jesus arose over death He had conquered
Now He's ascended, He's our Lord forever more

I've totally forgotten about this blog. Then I forgot my password. Yeah... we all have days like that, right?

Anyway, I'm not really sure if anyone is reading, but that really doesn't matter.... really.

Since my last post, things have been going really well. God has totally taken away the chains that had bound me for so long. I wish I could go into detail here, but I can't. It involves family issues (not my marriage) and I would just rather keep those on the low low (private :-)). I do have a few other issues that I am working on and honestly, I'm not sure if those will ever be "gone", but I am sure going to try to get through those and hold my head high.

I also started taking classes online again to finish up my Bachelors degree. I'm doing it this time. It's now or never. I have to do it for myself. At least this time around, I am actually interested in the subject matter... can't say that about the last attempt about 1 1/2 years ago.

PS: Facebook.... good or evil? I can see it as both. What is your opinion?

The Psalms

Praying for yourself is so hard. I have friends that I pray for constantly... just because of the situation they are in or are facing on a daily basis. I can also encourage those friends and talk them through the rough times.

When it comes to me, well... that's a different story. I tend to beat myself up a lot and I don't have a lot of nice things to say about myself. That has started to change and will continue to change. I haven't seen myself through God's eyes in a very long time. Just recently, I've had some conversations with my elementary aged son that reminded me of what I've been doing to God. He's been comparing himself to other kids in his grade and feeling like he just doesn't measure up.

On Saturday, he was sitting the the back seat talking and I was in tears in the drivers seat. It hurt this Mommy heart to hear my son talk about himself in that way. God has to be grieved when we talk down about HIS creation. We are created in HIS image, so when we cut ourselves down, we are basically doing it to Him too. We are sons and daughters of God, so if felt that way for my son, I can't imagine how He feels.

I found this through a simple Google search last week:

Who I am in Christ

Because you are in Christ, every one of these statements is true of you.

• I am loved 1John 3:3
• I am accepted Ephesians 1:6
• I am a child of God John 1:12
• I am Jesus' friend John 15:14
• I am a joint heir with Jesus, sharing His inheritance with Him Romans 8:17
• I am united with God and one spirit with Him 1Corinthians 6:17
• I am a temple of God. His spirit and his life live in me 1 Corinthians 6:19
• I am a member of Christ's body. 1 Corinthians 12:27
• I am a Saint Ephesians 1:1
• I am redeemed and forgiven Colossians 1:14
• I am complete in Jesus Christ Colossians 2:10
• I am free from condemnation Romans 8:1
• I am a new creation because I am in Christ 2Corinthians 5:17
• I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved Colossians 3:12
• I am established, anointed, and sealed by God 2Corinthians 1:21
• I do not have a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind 2Timothy 1:7
• I am God's co-worker 2Corinthians 6:1
• I am seated in heavenly places with Christ Eph 2:6
• I have direct access to God Ephesians 2:18
• I am chosen to bear fruit John 15:16
• I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house 1 Peter 2:5
• I have been given exceedingly great and precious promises by God by which I share His nature 2 Peter 1:4
• I can always know the presence of God because He never leaves me Hebrews 13:5
• God works in me to help me do the things He wants me to do Philippians 2:13
• I can ask God for wisdom and He will give me what I need James 1:5

Simply choose to believe what God says about you.

I printed this out and hung it on the wall at work and I have it in a journal that I write in frequently.

So.... where am I going with all of this? I started talking about praying and the title of this post is The Psalms.

I was telling a friend that I just didn't know where to get started. This is coming from someone that has been in full time ministry and feels like she is starting completely over in this walk with Christ. My friend suggested praying the Psalms. Interesting... never thought of that... So, that's what I did! I read this morning before my work day started... a few times actually. It felt good to start the day in the Word.

It's been a busy day and I've raised my voice a few times at the kids, but I won't condemn myself for it, like the old days. Instead, I will ask for forgiveness (from Him and them) and move on. I'm reading All I Need is Jesus & A Good Pair of Jeans (the author is an A/G Pastor's wife) and the chapter tonight was about the condemnation that we can feel from all sides during our life. Jesus freed us from the chains of condemnation. Romans 8:1-2 says, "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death". I don't think I've necessarily been sinning, you know... like doing BAD things, but I have let condemnation keep me from where I needed to be with God and that is a bad thing.

CliffsNotes Version:

I'm going to start seeing me as God sees me. He loves me just where I am... scars, ugliness and all. He's working in me and through me. I have to be a willing vessel.

The chains are slowly breaking... one by one. It's hard to just completely leave behind the chains of 30 years of hurt and pain, but it's happening!

In the last week, I've realized how important a good support system is. I have friends that are encouraging and faithful. It's funny how God puts people in your life 10 years prior to when you really need them to guide you through a tough time.

Awakening

by Sara Groves:

Dress down your pretty faith, give me something real
Leave out the Thee and Thou and speak to me now
Speak to my pain and confusion
Speak through my fears and my pride
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside

I know that I'm not perfect, but compare me to most
In a world of hurt in a world of anger I think I'm holding my own
And I know that you've said there is more to life
No I am not satisfied
But there are mornings I wake up and I’m just thankful to be alive

I've known for quite a while that I am not whole
I've remembered the body and the mind, but dissected the soul
Now something inside is awakening
Like a dream I once had and forgot
And it's something I'm scared of and something I don't want to stop

I woke up this morning and realized
Jesus is not a portrait
Or stained glass windows
Or hymns
Or all the tradition that surrounds us

I thought it would be hard to believe in, but it's not hard at all
To believe I've sinned
And fallen short
Of the glory of God

He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real amazing grace

And it's not just a sign or a sacrament
It's not just a metaphor for love
The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of our faith.

---------

This "new" journey started for me a week ago.

I had a very close friend walk through the hardest part with me. She prayed and felt the same heaviness I felt. Friends like that don't come along every day. I don't have to mention her name, but she knows who she is. I love you! Thank you for being there for me... through all of this messy stuff.

I first thought that Sara's song, Glory Come Down, was my "theme song" through this journey. 'Cause when I tell you I've held on to the chains, I've grasped for them.. they are a comfort... in some weird way. I rushed to iTunes to buy the CD and nothing... nada. I had to buy the WHOLE CD to get this one song that I just KNEW that God had put in the right place at the right time.

He laughs and when I get the CD tonight, I totally fall in love with the song I posted the lyrics to above. Wow is all I can say. I've said the word, "wow" way too many times this week... its all because of the fact that God just keeps putting people in my life or scripture or songs to speak to me.

I can't tell you how excited I am to start on this journey to a new me. I hope you will join me!